Dilemma of a Witch- Wiccan or Witch

I am a Witch. I worship the Old Gods of Rome- Hekate and Ianus. My introduction to Wicca was when I was 13 years old in the old musky room in UP High School in Iloilo. I spent time studying everything I need about the religion. In Wicca, I discovered the joys of worshiping the Goddess and the God and that I feel that this is the closest religion to my belief. The only "accepted" religion that accepts my faith in the Gods.

Wicca is really a great religion. The Thea/Theology of this religion is perfect for my belief since this allows me to worship the Goddess Hekate and the God Ianus in the way I see it. It is a religion of "Light and Love" and of the "Goodness and the White Light." However, my philosophy is quite different from the "Lightness" of Wicca.

The current influx of "HollyWitches- Hollywood Witches" added to the already criticized practice of Wicca. Traditional witches and other Pagan paths would scoff at the focus of Wicca to the "Love and Light" philosophy and would often label Wiccans as "Fluffy Bunnies". It is true that being positive is really good since we should not dwell in the "negativity" of life, however, not focusing on the negative side should not mean that we should ignore it. We often hear that Nature is neither good nor bad, it is both as nature is both destructive and caring. In nature, we often see death and decay as a prerequisite of rebirth and the continuation of life.

Even people are made up of two sides. We cannot exist without negativity because that would make us like robots- ever smiling, preaching of love and lightness. Isn't it creepy? According to the psychologist Carl Jung- everyone has a "Shadow" that he needs to embrace to become whole. The beauty of the negative part of the our personality is what makes us complex and unique. This negativity also makes us human. Everything is made up of two sides- Yin and Yang, Light and Dark, Good and Evil, positive and negative, left and right - God and the Goddess.

I recently read an article on this website, http://tracksinthewitchwood.blogspot.com , that made me think about the religion I am with right now. I know that I am a Pagan but the religion that I am following may not be the one for me. I have identified myself as a Wiccan for a very long time but as I have done my rituals and my "devotionals', it deviates a little from the normal Wiccan Way.

Here are some Wiccan philosophies that I usually do differently

1. we are told that practicing the "Dark Arts" is strictly prohibited- the idea of Dark Arts defer from person to person. Personally, I do spells to coerce spirits and gods to listen to my wishes and boons. I bargain with them and offer them incense, food and other stuff. I also communicate with spirits from the Idadalmon or the Underworld and the shades of the dead.

2. Majority of the Wiccan work is centered on the magick of nature and the natural energies- I work with the magickal formulas, seals and sigls, evocation of beings, sorcery and arcane forces.

3. The Wiccan Philosophy- positivity and the white light, love and light- as I have mentioned earlier, I believe that negativity in a person is needed to be whole. Love and hate should be felt as well as light and darkness.

These are just some of the philosophies/practices that I believe and do that deviate from the "normal" Wiccan practices.

The only thing that binds me to Wicca is my love of the Goddess and the God since this is the nearest "accepted" religion to my Faith.

My dilemma now is if I still want to be a Wiccan or look for other religions nearer to my Faith. I would search and search until I find a religion that I would be comfortable in. Something that would reflect my personality and faith.

From now, I will leave the Wiccan Path and search on... I am Pagan and if ever I will be in the Path of Wicca once more, only time will tell.