Saturday, July 12, 2008

Is Jealousy a Part of Being In-Love?

I experience being hurt in love. Most of the time, I suffered heart breaking experiences from people that I fell in love with. From experiencing back-biting and being dumped to the experience of you totally forgotten. I understand that being in love with your partner requires a certain degree of trust and honesty as well, but with all the bad experiences I got from my relationships before made me very paranoid.

I am in a very healthy relationship of almost two months. I am proud to say that this is the longest one to date. I have a dashing and gorgeous partner who I call an angel. Very smart, loving, and has a lot of patience. I love my partner very much to the extent that I became overly paranoid of whatever my partner is doing.

I understand that everybody has their own priorities but sometimes, I would demand more. from my partner. I know that my angel loves me too, and would show it in ways that I really believe very real. Though this expression of love is not very vocal, the body language and other non-vocal signs are very expressive.

Now what about the jealousy part? Since my partner is very visually stimulating, I tend to become very insecure about my looks. I am being very protective of the relationship and I am very afraid that my partner would be taken away by other people, like what happened to my former informal relationships. Since this is the first time I am in a real and formal relationship, I am guarding it heavily against people who would ruin it. Now the question is, is this attitude towards the relationship good?

I think being jealous in a relationship is quite normal. However again, as told a million times before excess is really not good. I know my partner is sometimes pissed with my attitude and for that I would like to apologize. I only express the emotion that is driving me crazy, and I express it in a way that I know of.

Again Bhe, I will try my best not to be jealous. To understand you more and to adjust with you. Know that I love you as deep as a bottomless pit. Again, I apologize for my shortcomings and my attitude.

Sorry for everything, I love you!


Friday, July 11, 2008

The Blade of the God

The Goddess, the embodiment of the feminine energy of creation is with us and all around us. As a Wiccan, She is the other half of God that would never be separated from Him. If the God is the hand, the Goddess is the mind.

The God and the Goddess is a dual force of creation, as I mentioned earlier the Goddess the mind, the God is the hand. They dance in a never ending swirl of energy that creates everything and is everything. The magick they weave is the All, and we are part of it. This balance of the God and Goddess is very essential since an imbalance of one will cause the imbalance of nature. One cannot exist without the other.

In my Faith, I am always attuned to the Goddess. So attuned that I forgot another essential part of my being, my Godself. I could say that I am not that "close" to the God. I could blame it to my upbringing as a Christian, where everything is guarded by a God that sits up high in the clouds. That would rain down fire to those who does not worship him, who would consume the world in waters, or would send angels to kill an entire nation.

That's the reason I still retained some of my fear to the God of the Jews. It made me distance away from him, even though I know that this Jewish God is not the same as the God I believe in. The God of the Witches, the Lord of the Hunt, the Lord of the Forest. The Lord I know is an embodiment of the hunt; strong, feral, fierce warrior and hunter. This God still resides in my higher self, the reflection of God in me.

Some friends would say that my attunement to the Goddess makes me more attuned to my feminine side, a truth which I admit am guilty. I feel the Goddess in everything I came in contact with, the wind, the rain, the trees and the fire. However, this makes me also very imbalanced, I never acknowledge the God in me- the Hunter, the Warrior-king, The Sage.

I got books on Male Spirituality- The Pagan Man by Isaac Bonewits and Wicca Spellcraft for Men by A.J. Drew. It made me realize that even though I am attuned to my Feminine Side and the God is overshadowed in my being, I neglected the side of me which is strong, assertive, and cunning. The God-self which I do not acknowledge most of the time, often made itself known during unexpected times. I know I am strong inside, that I can resist problems and bounce back, I am passive yet assertive when needed and I am cunning as the wolf in hunt.

I had a hard time to incorporate the God in my being, as the Goddess plays a major part in my existence, but I asked myself this. I maybe attuned to my feminine side, but that does not mean I am not a man. I may have feminine ways, but I am more than a man than anyone who says they're men. I may be dancing under the moon with the Goddess, but I am hunting with the God as well. I maybe a Goddess by mind, but I am always a God by being.

The Blade, the Crown, the Staff
for Janus, the two-faced God of New Beginnings...

At dawn, a trumpet echoes
from the forest, to the meadows
The blade has struck, the prey has fall
The God of the Hunt calls

At noon, the bells toll
from the valley to the city the sound rolls
The scepter readied, the crown calls
The God-King rules all

At Night, a lamp is lit
From the Caves, to the darkest pits
The Staff held, the robes fold
The Sage held the Wisdom of Old

photo from Encarta

Love of my Life

I fell in love, the first time that we met. That is the song that played in my mind when I saw you. I know that as a person, I wasn't expecting this kind of reaction from you. My entire being is still rained by insecurities which I am working on to eradicate.

I am listening to the music of Natalie Cole "Miss you like crazy". This song is not even significant to me but it made me realize that i do really miss you like crazy. I cant have more than enough of you. Though the truth is, we just met earlier.

My life was a chopseuy of emotions. A roller coaster ride full of love and heartaches. As a friend said, a Metro Rail Transit which goes a long way with people going in and out of your life. Some may caught your attention, some are worth forgetting. Until you came in to my life, everything changed...overnight.

I haven't done this kind of thing before. Being vocal to the person I love-yes but not to the entire public. Being proud and thankful that you changed my life and made me realized a lot of things. I realized that I am not the worst person in the world, that I am not as undesirable as I think I am, that I am sexy in the eyes of people. I realized that my heart can be opened to a better relationship, that I can be happy and in love, that it is better to have an inspiration and a shoulder to cry on. In other words, though this may sound too cheezy- you made my life better, complete, and satisfied.

For the past month we were together, I was amazed how a person like me could be happy and contented in just an hour that we are together. How time stops like in the commercial on Nescafe, when you hold my hand and hug me. Time is indeed relative, reality can be manipulated.

This feeling is very nice, the first time I felt this all my life that is why I still have some fears that this would end. Though I believe you would be angry if I keep on doing this since I would pester you all the time about this. I know deep in my heart that you love me too and this feeling is anchoring me to be strong and eliminate this bad things I'm thinking.

I always told you that I cannot give you forever, but I will give you a lifetime. I will give you not everything, but I would give my best. I really love you and I will be there for you... I love you!

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Death on Swift Wings

In every society and culture, transitions are always present. As well as the existence of a governing body is deemed necessary in the continuation of a society. The Philippines is not exempted to this reality. We have been a tribal people since time immemorial, with a defined heirarchy of nobles and rulers governing the tribe. There exist a set of rules and laws that made the life of early people very orderly. When a crime is committed, a punishment exists to counter that crime.

The evolution of the government in the Philippines was taught to us in our elementary and high school. However, since the conception of the democratic government in our country corruption was born with it. There have been a lot of attempts to eradicate this sickness, however changing the leaders is not enough to wipe the system clean. Since the problem is embedded in the governments structure already. Now why are we talking about this?

The Arroyo administration has been accused of a lot of corruption issues to the extent that cases were even filed in the courts. Though this was a bold move for the detractors of the current administration, the cases filed never went far. A lot of these cases were dismissed, more were diverted to other issues, many were hushed.

How about the title of this entry, what is the connection of this post to the title? Death indeed comes on swift wings to us Filipinos. Though these problems are not exclusive to us Pinoys, I think our government is not doing anything to alleviate the suffering of our people. Let me give you examples of these problems that poses a very morbid threat to us...

The first issue that could bring death to us Pinoys is hunger. Hunger affects more than 2 million people in the country, widening further the scope of the people who are not eating three times a day, or people who are not eating at all. I saw a documentary from GMA 7 called "Kalam" and there are people who are eating leftovers, spoiled food and others are eating nothing at all. There was also a part where Jiggy Manicad travelled around South East Asia, to Thailand, Vietnam and those countries that sold us rice that we eat. I was amazed to know that the leading scientists from these rice exporting countries have studied in the Philippine's own International Rice Reseach Institute (IRRI). There was a time that the Philippines was the leading exporter of Rice in Asia and furthermore the best rice scientists are Filipinos. Isn't it very painful to see countries that send their scientists here to study are using the very same knowledge we taught them and sell their rice to us?

The next issue is the extensive spending of our government. The government spends a lot of money in an unexplainable way. I even saw in one of the documentaries on tv which talkes about the expenses of Malacañan which is very up there. When I opened the newspaper this morning I saw the President graced the front page in a Piña suit worth $3000, a very expensive suit to wear during this time of crisis. It also makes me furious to see all these signs in waiting sheds, bridges and roads which says that the project is worth millions even though the actual price is a third of the officially declared.

Though the list of things that kills us is never ending like gasoline and prices of prime commodities. Probably one of the more serious thing that kills our people is also the people. The population explosion is the greatest problem the country is experiencing. This increase in population causes majority of the problems in the society; poverty, hunger, and unemployment. The average family contains five to six members and the number increase when you trace it down the social ladder. The lesser the income of the family, the more children they have. This problem increases the death of our culture and our society since majority of our problems came out of this issue.

These problems must be addressed immediately if not instantly, and when I thought of this I could actually say that this would be very difficult to solve. Especially if the people who are the source of the solution is the source of the problem in the first place.

-photos from Yahoo!

Monday, July 7, 2008

My Favorite New Age Authors...

There have been a lot of Witchcraft/Wiccan books that were published as far as I can remember. A lot of them talks about important and educational topics, while others just plain scrap and mumbo jumbo. With the removal of the Witchcraft Act in England, there have been a lot of occult books published. Though the authenticity of these books are still questionable, the members of the magickal community accepted them as factual and used them as references to futher the study of magick.

There are a lot of authors known to the modern Pagan community. Some were notorious because of their senseless "masterpieces" and others are plain and simple...good!

I will be featuring my top three New Age or Occult writers which for me contributed a lot to the revival of the Old Ways. The first one that comes into mind when authors are mentioned especially in the States.

The Third best author for me is Chris Penczak, one of the more vocal authors in Wicca lore. Author of more then ten books already, Chris is one of the best authors in the Craft today. He has won a variety of awards from the Coalition of Visionary Retailers 2002 to 2004. One of his most famous book in Wicca is entitled City Magick which got the Best Magick Book of 2002.

The Second Author in my top three is Gerina Dunwich. A professional Astrologer, Occult Historian and a Paranormal Researcher, Gerina is a writer of more than a dozen books on the topics of the New Age and Wicca. She is a poet who is a member of the Fellowship of Isis, Pagan Poets Society and the Authors League of America. One of her more famous book on Witchcraft is Exploring Wtichcraft which I personally have a copy.

The best Craft author for me is Scott Cunningham, author of best-selling books like Wicca: A guid to Solitary Practitioners, Living Wicca and Encyclopedia of Magickal Herbs which I have a copy. All his books are very, very informative and useful especially to solitaries. He is the best example of practicing Wicca in your own special and intimate way.

These are the authors that I really like and when I read their books, I really am learning a lot of stuff. There are a lot of authors coming in the market today, though some are very good as well, majority of them just copy and paste from various books.

Chris Penczak

Gerina Dunwich

Scott Cunningham

Photos of Authors from: Official Website of Chris Penczak, Gerina Dunwich and

Sunday, July 6, 2008

The Witch in Me...

I have been a Witch all my life. I remembered when I was younger that I would listen to the voice of the wind and the murmur of the waters in the rivers and streams. When I was younger I experienced a lot of things that children my age would label as weird. I can see "dwendes" when I was in my elementary, feel spirits and even saw a "bulalakaw" or a firebird, a phoenix one night while I was brushing my teeth.

When I entered UP High School my interest in the occult started. I was 11 years old when I entered the walls of the University of the Philippines. The High School library housed the Time Life set on which some books on the occult and paranormal studies are included. I could stay up to four hours in the library and bury self on these books. My "formal" study in the Craft started when I was 13 years old, I was a sophomore going to my junior year in the school. I read the book of Time Life entitled Witches and Witchcraft, where articles on famous founders of the Path are present. It sparked the interest in me and I started look for websites on the Internet since books are very rare in the city. I visited the city and provincial libraries, university and other college libraries but to no avail.

Prior to my formal studies, I had my share of folk magick and lore from my family. Tracing back my roots also was very essential to me as the scarcity and the validity of the information available is a challenge. My maternal line has their own share of Baylans in the family. The first one is the grandfather of my grandmother, we call him Apo. It was said that he found a black libreta between the trunk of a tree he cut in our hometown. This started the tradition that we practice in the family, though unnamed was very potent.

He was a Tigadluman, a person who has the ability to make himself vanish. He displayed this ability when they were on their way to the river to escape the Japanese. He let them sit in a circle with him in the center, waved his staff around and when the Makapili passed he said "tabi-tabi po" coz they saw earth mounds instead of people. He also appears to move very fast and can be at your back in the blink of an eye, one story also was his fight with a neighbor who has also a kinaadman. In the boundary of our lot stood a Bamboo fence a few meters high. They would fight with their bolos or binangon by jumping high in the air and hacked each other, though no woulds can be inflicted. These also showed that out Apo was a Dalagan-gan ( a Babaylan who can run fast and jump high) and a Dalongdongan ( a Baylan who protects himself from harm using a special oil mix).

In our Family, there are women in each generation who are magickally gifted. After our Apo, one of my grandmother is also a healer. She is the one who brought us in the mountain facing our home to introduce us to the spirits of the place so they would not harm us. The next generation has three, I have three aunties who were healers, though the degree of their expertise varies. Sad to say though that two of them who were active were already dead.

I also had a funny experience with this auntie who died. We were at her house because it was the wake of her husband. My lola who was a healer approached her and told her that I am interested in the Practice. Lola then asked her if she would give me their Black Book but my auntie told my lola not yet because I am not yet ready. This auntie died because she was weakening and all the sickness that she healed were thrown back at her. She also had an enemy which took the opportunity to finish her off.

My other aunt who was a healer also died because of a mystical creature. In the Visayas, we have a mystical creature called the Bulalakaw, a firebird who flies in the form of a ball of fire with a tail made up of scattered flame with ever changing hues. It was said that when this phoenix passes over you, you would die. This is what happened to her when she was fetching water in a well in the province. The bulalakaw is fond of flying during noontime and they would land in wells to cool themselves. The firebird passed over her head and immediately blood came out of her nose, ears and mouth. They rushed her to the hospital but she died and the doctors did not know what was the cause of that bizarre sight.

In my generation, fifth counting from our Apo, I also had cousins who were sensitive to the unseen, my sisters are also gifted with the Sight and could see things that are aren't there.

Going to my paternal line, I do not really have a lot of information about them though I have cousins that are healers in my dads mother side. I was told that my father's grandma was an sirohana who uses herbs and charms to heal. According to my cousin Nik-Nik, my lola was offered to get the pamana, but she and her siblings refused so it was passed on to the next generation instead. My cousin was also a healer and we would go to the mountains on Holy Week just to look for "pangalap". Though my lola and her siblings never took interest on the Tradition, I could see my lola lighting candles of different colors during the New Year, murmuring prayers understandable only to her.

My interest in Magick goes very deep. It is a Craft that I am pursuing, a Practice am mastering and a Path that I am walking. This September, I will be celebrating 13 years of Practice and though some may consider it very long, for me it is just the beginning of another hard yet rewarding journey to seek for the Goddess and the Magick She weaves.

"Para sa tanan nga tinuga ang pagtatap sang aton Iloy; para sa binhi, sa tanum, sa mga kasapatan bukidnon man, sa lawod o sa kahawaan, sa mga tawo nga nagpanubli sang iya nawong."

-The care of the Mother is for all, for the seeds, the plants, the animals either from the mountains, seas or air and for the people who inherited Her face.-